The Natnie Manifesto

I think people tend to wonder about me. I'm asexual and intersexed, and I'm not interested in relationships; if I spent my life alone, I wouldn't consider it that bad. I spend my life absorbed in personal creative projects - always have, always will.
Some people might wonder how someone could be inspired if there is no love in their life, but it's pretty simple. Let me explain.

Almost every human being has an innate desire to leave a legacy. To have someone to carry on a piece of themselves into the future, long after they've died. For many (I daresay most) people, this manifests itself as a desire to have children. In this way, they pass on their genes to the next generation, thereby living on through the children.

Realising this, it's simple logic to see that there's absolutely no way I can pursue this method of leaving a legacy. Because of my intersex condition, I don't have the equipment to have children, and therefore never can and never will.

I think part of my brain knew this all along, because I've had no interest in finding a partner or having sex, let alone feeling a biological clock ticking away.

So, that's one way of leaving a legacy. What are some others?

Well, there's being really, really talented and good at something, like a runner or the world's best chess player. People definitely remember those guys.
...But I'm not exceptional at anything.

There's being famous in general - be it an actor, or a musician, or just famous for no reason like Lara Bingle is.
...I'm not attractive or charismatic enough to be famous. Not even INTERNET famous.

Then, there's creating something that leaves a mark on peoples' memories.
I am a creative person, no doubt. I'm not GREAT at anything and quite possibly never will be, but being GOOD at a number of things, I feel, is still within my reach.
To be creative, to me, is to continually try and make something that is going to leave my mark on the world in some way. Something that will outlast me. Something that people will look at a hundred years from now and think, "this means something to me".

That's what drives me. I draw and I draw and I write and I write and I animate and I animate and I sing and I do all kinds of stuff - all for the purpose of leaving something behind. Because my life MUST NOT be wasted doing frivolous things.

This is also why I've historically resented jobs I have had - it is always vaccuuming up the time I NEED to do things like animation. Animation is just about the most time-consuming artistic endeavour possible! And yet it's this medium that I want to leave my mark. Why animation? Because I'm not nearly good enough at drawing to be an acclaimed still artist - and I consider myself pretty damn good at using animation software. All I need is to close the gaps in my knowledge through lots of practice. But where do I find the time for that if I have to work all the time?

All I can do is keep persisting, I suppose.